Monday, June 13, 2011

And me without my diet coke

I love caffeine, I truly do. I used to take mine in the form of coffee but horrible heartburn and acid reflux had me switching to diet coke or sometimes diet mtn. dew. But I know I need to quit drinking so much. One it's not good for me. Two it's expensive. And three it doesn't send a good message to my kids. But today, well, today left me without my diet coke.

I woke up this morning to find a woodtick crawling across my hand. Freaking out only mildly I ran downstairs to beat the heck outta it with a hammer and crawl back into bed. Hey, it was early and the mister usually gets up with the baby. What, where is he? His truck is here, he didn't go to work yet. I really want to go back to bed because, well, okay, I stayed up until 2 am finishing a really good, funny book about two women who were raised in the city moving to the country to start a farm and all the crazy things that happen to them. Hhmmm, do you see a story coming? Yeah, I wish I would have just crawled back into bed.

So Shane finally comes into the house, sits down at the computer and googles the vet clinic in town. Why are you calling the vet? We never call the vet, we're the kind of people who take care of it themselves. I get this look and he says the mule kicked one of the calves and torn his hind quarter open. Well now doesn't this just put me on the defensive. How do you know this? Did you see her do it? No, but last night I saw her take a swing at him. Well now that doesn't me she did anything today. She's going away. And I lost it. Yeah let's just send the mule away and let's get rid of the horse as well because she's kicked at my sheep. Did you guys think to introduce the calves to the mule because she is old and blind and deaf and they probably scared her a little.

Yeah so this went on for awhile until I finally stomped out to the barn. A while later he comes out and tells me the vet won't be here for awhile so he's going to work. What? Hello, three kids and leave me home with a calf that needs stitches. Great. Have a good day. Why don't you take it easy and go out to lunch while you're at it. Got it all under control. Of course, since I'm now not talking to him because I feel he's over reacting about the mule, I just give him the stink eye and have that little conversation in my head. He notices the stink eye and comments that maybe he should go into work a little later. I give him a bigger stink eye and he comments that maybe he should just see if his mom can come home. I stomp back into the house because this deserves a diet coke. He ties the mule to the corn crib...with no halter, just a rope.

NO DIET COKE. Not. a. good. thing. At all.

The mister leaves for work and a while later his mom comes out. I'm determined to prove that the mule did not cause a rip like that in an animal and set out to the barn and pasture. Halfway there I realize the mule is now in the orchid and two calves are on the wrong side of the fence. Trudging back into the house to get a halter, I start by hunting down the mule. Until she sees the halter and takes off through the field. Great!

Let's move onto the calves because they're still young and dumb. I get the first one convinced to nicely walk through the gate. The little guy decides nows a good time to be stubborn and lays down. No problem, he's little just get behind him and push him up and...

Oh crap what is that. Oh crap oh crap oh crap. Yeah, it's crap and I'm wearing flip flops. Calf into the pasture and walk into the barn to get my feet cleaned. One of the goats is loose and the little chickens are every where because they're suddenly big enough to fly over the fence. Get the goats and teether them outside and finally wash up my feet. Really in my mind the chickens can wait.

Now for the mule. But this time I'm smart and get a bucket of corn. And she nicely follows me back down to the corn crib and I easily slip on her halter and tie her up.

I walk the fence line until the vet shows up and play doctors assistant. And since she's there ask all kinds of really annoying questions about animals. Hey when you've got someone there and you're going to have to pay them a lot of money. I want to get my money's worth!

So I get all the needed instructions for keeping the wound clean, giving him antibiotics and taking out his stitches in a couple of weeks. As I start back to the barn I remembered when I was putting the two calves back an opening between the barn and gate that was big enough for them to get out. Sure enough the post is covered with blood.

Being the mature person that I am, I quickly grab my cell phone, take a picture, and send it to the mister with a text saying, "And me without my diet coke."

When I got to the farm store to get antibiotic, I also got a diet coke, okay a case. And a chocolate bar. Because when you get crapped on, you really deserve diet coke and chocolate.

Now I just need to set up a new pen and get this guy moved. Along with chasing another calf back into the pasture since they have all seemed to find the hole to squeeze out of. And then catch chickens. But first, I'm going to go take a shower because I'm pretty sure I may have crap in my hair.


1 comment:

  1. That's hysterical. Ok, not ha-ha funny but oh-my-gosh funny. Love the crap in your hair comment!

    I'm sorry you had to go through all that, especially without your diet coke. I'm a diet pepsi addict so I know from whence you speak.

    Hope your today is peaceful and there won't be any stitches in it. Blessings... Polly